Dickens, exaggerated, affected, unnatural, with remains of
gentility and society manners. Amidst all this drunkenness and
abandonment May, the landlady's daughter, preserved her
virginity. Young lodgers would take liberties with her, but at a
certain stage would receive a stinger on the face. The girl liked
me and would kiss me, but nothing else. And then--out of this
home of drunkenness and shame--May fell in love with some pretty
boy she met by chance, whom she never asked to her home. She
began to neglect me, even to neglect drink, and to dream,
preoccupied. I felt a restless jealousy, but she would look at
me, without resentment, without recognition, without seeing me,
look me straight in the eyes as I was talking to her, and dream
and dream. This same pretty boy seduced her, I believe. When next
I met her she was 'on the town,' her one dream of spring over....

"About this time I had one of those salutary turns that have
marked epochs in my life, and as a result I left that house and
resolutely abstained from drink.... I was now in a small
up-country town. I commenced to play croquet and to ride out.
Sometimes I was invited to dinner by a young man at the bank,
whose house was kept by his sister. She had a small figure, a
pretty but rather narrow face, and well-bred manners; but there
was a look in her asymmetrical eyes, in the shape of her thin
hands, even in the stoop of her shoulders, that seemed
passionate. One day--when her brother, a fine, sweet-blooded
manly young athlete, was absent--I commenced to pull her about.
She gave me one passionate kiss, but said: 'No! Do you know what
keeps me straight? It is the thought of my brother.' I refrained
from molesting her further. I met other girls, some pretty and
arrogant, others plain and hungry-eyed; it was a country town
where there were four or five females to every male. But I could
not speak frankly and candidly to a young woman as the young
banker did....

"I remember that one night, when I was living at the Port, I
slept all night with a prostitute who had taken a fancy to me and
who used to cry on my shoulder, much to my impatience and
annoyance. In the same bed with us, lying beside me, was a girl
aged about 12. On my expressing surprise I was told she was used
to it and noticed nothing. But in the morning I turned my head
and looked at her, and even in the dim light of that dirty
bedroom I could see that her eyes had noticed and understood. She
pressed herself against me and smiled; it was not the smile of an
infant. I could record many instances I have observed of the
precocity of children.

"At one time I made the acquaintance of three young men, two in
the customs, the other in a surveyor's office. At the first
glance you would have said they were ordinary nice young clerks,
but on becoming better acquainted you would notice certain
peculiarities, a looseness of mouth, a restless, nervous
inquietude of manner, an indescribable gleam of the eye. They
were very fond of performing and singing at amateur minstrel
shows and developed a certain comic vein they thought original,
though it reminded me of professional corner-men. However, I
enjoyed their singing and drinking habits and went to their
lodgings several nights to play cards, drink beer, and tell funny
stories. One night they asked me to stay all night and on going
to a room with two beds I was told to have one. Presently one of
the young men came in and commenced to undress. But before going
to his bed he made a remark which, though I had been drinking,
opened my eyes. I told him to shut up and go to bed, speaking
firmly and rather coldly, and he went reluctantly to his own bed.
But another night when they had shifted their lodgings and were
all sleeping in the same room I was drunk and went to bed with
the same fair-haired young man. On waking up in the night I found
my bedmate tampering with me. The old force came over me and I
abused him, but refused to commit the crime he wanted me to. His
penis was small and pointed. I rose early in the morning,
sobered, suffering, and covered with shame, and went hastily
away, refusing to stay for breakfast. I thought I caught an
amazed and evil smile on the faces of the other two. Meeting the
three the same evening in the street, I passed them blushing, and
my bedmate of the previous night blushed also....

"I now took cheap lodgings in North Adelaide. Here I had slight
recurrences of the strangeness and fear of going mad which I had
experienced once before. I led such a solitary life and fell into
such a queer state that I turned to religion and attended church
regularly. It was approaching the time for those young men and
women who wished to be confirmed to prepare themselves, and a
struggle now ensued between my pride and my wish to gain rest and
peace of mind in Jesus. I was self-conscious to an incredible
degree, and dreaded exposure or making an exhibition of myself,
but still went to church, hoping the grace of God would descend
on me. I had no other resources. I had no pleasure in life, and
was so shattered and in such misery of dread that I welcomed the
only refuge that seemed open to me. At last, one Sunday, I had
what I thought was a call; I shed a few tears, and although
tingling all down my spine I went up in the cathedral and joined
those who were going to be confirmed. I attended special meetings
and shocked the good bishop very much by telling him I had never
been baptized. I had to be baptized first and went one day to the
cathedral and he baptized me. When the critical awful moment came
the bishop, whose faith even then surprised me somehow, held my
hand in his cold palm, and gave it a pressure, eyeing me,
expectantly, inquisitively, to see any change for the better.
But, it so happened, that morning I was in a horrible temper and
black mood, hard and dry-eyed, and no change came. Still, I tried
to believe there was a change.

"I was confirmed with others, had a prayer-book given me with
prayers for nearly every hour in the day, and was always kneeling
and praying. I procured a long, white surplice, and assisted at
suburban services, even conducting small ones myself, reading the
sermons out of books. But my mood of rage increased, and one
Sunday I had to walk a long way in a new pair of boots. I shall
never forget that hot Sunday afternoon. My feet commenced to ache
and a murderous humor seized me. I swore and blasphemed one
moment and prayed to God to forgive me the next. When I reached
the chapel where I had to assist the chaplain I was exhausted
with rage, pain, fear, and religious mania. I thought it probable
I had offended the Holy Ghost. When, next Sunday, I went to try
my hand at Sunday-school teaching I wore a pair of boots so old
that the little boys laughed. I was always talking of my
conversion and the spirit of our Saviour. I do not know what the
clergymen I met thought of me. I thought I should like to be a
minister myself, and questioned a Church of England parson as to
the amount of study necessary. He received my question rather
coldly, I thought, which discouraged me. As my dread gradually
diminished, though I still felt strange, I made excuses for not
conducting services, although I continued to read my Bible and
prayer-book, and really believed I had been 'born again.'

"Surely now, I thought, that I had Christ's aid, I shall be able
to break off my habit of self-abuse that had been the curse of my
youth. What was my horror and dismay to find that, when the mood
came on me next, I went down the same as ever. And after all my
suffering and dread and fear of fits! What could I do? Was I mad,
or what? I was really frightened at my helplessness in the matter
and decided on a course of conduct that ultimately brought me
past this danger to better health and comparative happiness. I
said to myself that there is always a certain amount of
preliminary thought and dalliance before I do this deed;
doubtless this it is that renders me incapable of resisting. I
decided, therefore, never to let my thoughts _commence_ to dwell
on lustful things, but to think of something else on the _first_
intimation of their appearance in my mind. I rigorously followed
this rule; and it proved successful, and I recommend it to others
in the same predicament as myself. After suffering weeks and
months of dread and illness once more, falling away in flesh and
turning yellow, I gradually mended a little. I had a better color
and tone, and was something like other young men, barring a
strange alternate exaltation and depression. Even this gradually
became less noticeable, and my moods more even and reliable."


FOOTNOTES:

[219] My Christian faith is of a somewhat nonemotional, intellectual type,
with a considerable element of agnostic reserve.

[220] On having connection with my wife I frequently exhibit sufficient
sexual power to produce orgasm in her; but on occasion, especially during
the first year or so of married life, I have been unable to do this, owing
to the too rapid action of the reflexes in myself, and have even, now and
again, had emissions _ante portam_.




INDEX OF AUTHORS.

Adachi
Adam, Madame
Adler
Ælian
Allbutt, Gifford
Allen, Grant
Allin, A.
Alrutz
Andree
Anselm, St.
Arbuthnot
Ariosto
Aristænetus
Aristophanes
Aristotle
Athenæus
Aubert
Audeoud
Avicenna
Ayrton

Bacarisse
Backhouse
Bain, A.
Baker, Sir S.
Bälz

Baschet, Armand
Batchelor, J.
Baudelaire
Bazan, Pardo
Beatson
Beauregard
Bendix
Benedikt
Bernard, L.
Bernardin de St. Pierre
Bianchi, L.
Biérent
Binet
Bloch, A.G.
Bloch, I.
Boccaccio
Bollinger
Borel
Botallus
Brantôme
Breitenstein
Brisay, Marquis de
Bronson
Broune, R.
Brown, H.
Brunton, Sir Lauder
Bücher
Buckman, S.S.
Bulkley
Bullen, F. St. John
Burckhardt
Burdach
Burton, Sir R.
Burton, R.

Cabanès
Cabanis
Cadet-Devaux
Candolle, A. de
Cardano
Cardi, Comte di
Casanova
Castellani
Cervantes
Chadwick
Chamfort
Chaucer
Clement of Alexandria
Cloquet
Cocke, J.
Coffignon
Cohn, Jonas
Colegrove
Colenso, W.
Collet
Compayre
Cook, Captain
Cornish
Courtier
Crawley
Cyples, W.

Daniell, W.F.
D'Annunzio
Dante
Darlington, L.
Darwin, C.
Darwin, E.
Davy, J.
Deniker
D'Enjoy
Digby, Sir K.
Dillon, E.
Distant
Dogiel
Donaldson, H.H.
D'Orbigny
Duffield
Dufour
Dühren, E.
Dunlop, W.

Edinger
Eliot, George
Ellis, A.B.
Ellis, A.J.
Ellis, Havelock
Ellis, W.
Eloy
Eméric-David
Emin Pasha
Endriss, J.
Engelmann, I.J.
Epstein
Esquirol
Eulenburg

Féré
Ferrand
Ferrero
Filhés, Margarethe
Fillmore
Firenzuola
Flagy, R. de
Fletcher, A.C.
Fliess
Fol, H.
Foley
Forster, J.B.
Franklin, A.
Frazer, J.G.
Friedländer
Friedreich, J.B.
Fromentin
Frumerie, G. de

Galopin
Galton, F.
Garbini
Garson
Giard
Giessler
Gilman
Goblot
Goethe
Goncourt, E. de
Görres
Gould
Gourmont, Remy de
Griffith, W.D.A.
Griffiths, A.B.
Grimaldi
Groos, K.
Guibaud

Hack
Häcker
Hagen
Hall, G. Stanley
Halle, A. de la
Haller
Harrison, F.
Hart, D. Berry
Harvey, W.F.
Hawkesworth
Haycraft
Hearn, Lafcadio
Heine
Hellier, J.B.
Helmholtz
Henry, C.
Hermant, Abel
Herodotus
Herrick, C.L.
Herrick, R.
Heschl
Hildebrandt
Hippocrates
Holder, A.B.
Hortis
Houdoy
Houzeau
Huart
Humboldt, W. von
Hutchinson, W.F.
Hutchinson, Woods
Huysmans
Hyades

Jäger
James, W.
Janet
Jerome, St.
Joal
Joest
Johnston, Sir H.H.
Jorg
Jouin
Juvenal

Kaan
Kate, H. ten
Kennedy
Kiernan, J.G.
King, J.S.
Kirchhoff, A.
Kistemaecker
Klein, G.
Kleist
Krafft-Ebing
Krauss
Kubary
Külpe

Lane, E.W.
Lancaster, E.
Latcham
Laycock
Layet
Léchat
Lecky
Lejeune
Lemaire, J.
Léoty
Lewin
Lewis, A.T.
Linnæus
Lombard
Lombroso, C.
Lombroso, Gina
Lucian
Lucretius
Luigini
Lumholtz

MacCauley
MacDonald, J.
MacDougall, B.
MacKenzie, J.N.
MacKenzie, S.
Man, E.H.
Mantegazza
Marholm, L.
Marie de France
Marro
Marston, J.
Martial
Martineau, Harriet
Massinger
Matusch
Mau
Maudsley, H.
Maxim, Sir H.
McBride
McDougall, W.
McKendrick
Melle, Van
Menander
Mentz
Merensky
Mertens
Michelet
Milton
Miner, J.B.
Minut, G. de
Mironoff
Mitford
Möbius
Moll
Moncelon
Monin
Moore, A.W.
Moore, F.
Moraglia
Motannabi
Muir, Sir W.
Myers, C.S.

Näcke
Newman, W.L.
Nietzsche
Niphus
Nordenskjöld
Norman, Conolly
Nuttall
Nyrop

O'Donovan
Ordericus Vitalis
Ovid

Papillault
Parke, T.H.
Parker, Rushton
Passy, J.
Patrick, G.T.W.
Patrizi, M.L.
Paulhan

Pearson, K.
Penta
Perls
Petrarch
Petrie, Flinders
Piéron
Piesse
Pillon, E.
Plateau
Plato
Ploss
Plutarch
Potwin, E.
Pouchet
Poulton, E.B.
Pruner Bey
Pyle

Raciborski
Raffalovich
Ramsey, Sir W.
Raseri
Raymond
Reade, Winwood
Remfry
Renier, R.
Restif de la Bretonne
Rhys, J.
Ribbert
Ribot
Ries
Ripley
Robinson, Louis
Rochas, A. de
Roger, J.L.
Rohlfs
Romi, Shereef-Eddin
Ronsard
Roscoe, J.
Rosenbaum
Roth, H. Ling
Roth, W.
Roubaud
Rousseau
Routh, A.
Rowbotham, J.F.
Rudeck
Rutherford

Salmuth, P.
Sanborn, L.
Santayana, G.
Savage, G.
Savill
Schellong
Schiff
Schopenhauer
Schultz, A.
Schurigius
Scott, Colin
Scripture, E.W.
Seligmann
Selous, E.
Semon, Sir F.
Sénancour
Sensai, Nagayo
Sergi
Shakespeare
Sharp, D.
Shelley
Shields, T.E.
Shipley
Shufeldt
Simpson, Sir J.Y.
Skeat, W.W.
Smith, Sir A.
Smith, G. Elliot
Smith, H.
Smyth, Brough
Sonnini
Southerden
Spencer, Herbert
Spinoza
Stanley, Hiram
Stendhal
Stevens, Vaughan
Stirling, E.C.
Stoddart, W.H.B.
Stratz, C.H.
Swift
Symonds, J.A.
Syrus, Publilius

Talbot, E.B.
Talbot, E.S.
Tarchanoff
Tardif
Tarnowsky
Temesvary
Tennyson
Tinayre, Marcelle
Tolstoy
Toulouse
Tourdes, G.
Tregear
Tuckey
Turner
Tylor, E.B.

Varigny, O. de
Vaschide
Vatsyayana
Velten
Venturi
Vinci, L. de
Vineberg
Volkelt
Vurpas

Waits
Wallace, A.E.
Wallaschek
Waller, A.
Walther, P. von
Wartanoff
Watts, G.F.
Weinhold, K.
Wellhausen
Wessmann
Westermarck
Whytt
Wiedemann, A.
Wiese
Wilks, Sir S.
Wright, T.
Wundt

Yellowlees
Yung, E.

Zola
Zurcher
Zwaardemaker




INDEX OF SUBJECTS.

Acne in relation to sexual development
Æsthetics,
standard modified by love
in region of smell
in relation to the sexual impulse
Ainu
Alexander the Great,
odor of
Ambergris
American Indians
types of beauty
ideas of beauty
seldom acquainted with kiss
Anæsthesia produced by tuning forks
Antisexual instinct
Arabs,
ideal of beauty
kissing among
Armpit,
odor of
Asafoetida
Assortative mating
Australians
ideal of beauty
kissing among

Bath,
its history in modern Europe
opposed by early Christians
also by Mohammed
Baudelaire's olfactory sensibility
Beard in relation to beauty
Beauty,
as the symbol of love
the chief agent in sexual selection
the sexual element in æsthetic
its largely objective character
ideals of, among various peoples
sometimes found in lowest races
primary sex characters as an element of
Beauty, clothing in relation to
secondary sexual characters as an element of
in relation to pigmentation
the individual element in ideal of
the exotic element
in relation to stature
Bird song,
origin of
Biting in relation to origin of kissing
Blind,
sense of smell in the
sensitiveness to voice
Blondes,
the admiration for
Breasts,
as an element of beauty
as a tactile sexual focus
Breath,
odor of
Brothels,
public baths once synonymous with
Brummell
Brunettes,
the admiration for
Bustle

Capryl odors
Carbolic acid disliked by savages
Castoreum
Cataglottism
Catholic theologians,
on danger of tactile contacts
opposed bathing
_Chenopodium vulvaria_
Chinese ideal of beauty
odor of
music among
practice the olfactory kiss
Christianity,
its use of the kiss
opposition to bathing
Civet
Cleanliness and Christianity
Cleanliness in relation to sexual attraction
Clitoris,
deformation of
Clothing,
sexual attraction of
Codpiece
Coitus,
body odor during
Comic sense
Continence,
odor of
Corset
Crinoline
Cumarine
_Cunnilingus_
Cutaneous excitation,
tonic effects of

Dancing in sexual selection
Death,
odor of
Degenerates sexually attracted to one another
Disparity,
the sexual charm of
Dogs practice _cunnilingus_
predominance of smell in mental life of
susceptibility to music
Doves,
sexual attraction among
Dyeing the hair,
origin of

Egyptian ideal of beauty
Emotional memory
English type of beauty
Erogenous zone
Eskimo
Eunuchs,
odor of
Europeans,
odor of
Exotic element in ideal of beauty
Eyes as a factor of beauty

Fairness in relation to vigor
the admiration for
Farthingale
_Fellatio_
Fetichism,
olfactory
urinary