regard herself as being a really inverted person.
There have been vivid sexual dreams from about 17 (apparently
about the period of the relationship with the lover). These
dreams have not, however, had special reference to persons of
either sex.

Apart from the influence of books and pictures already mentioned,
she remarks that she is sexually affected by the personal odor of
a beloved person, but is not consciously affected by any other
odors.


HISTORY XI.--Widower, aged 40 years. Surgeon. "My experience of
sexual matters began early. When I was about 10 years of age a
boy friend who was staying with us told me that his sister made
him uncover his person, with which she played and encouraged him
to do the same for her. He said it was great fun, and suggested
that we should take two of my sisters into an old barn and repeat
his experience on them. This we did, and tried all we could to
have connection with them; they were nothing loath and did all
they could to help us, but nothing was effected and I experienced
no pleasure in it.

"When I went back to school I attracted the attention of one of
the big boys who slept in the same room with me; he came into my
bed and began to play with my member, saying that it was the
usual thing to do and would give me pleasure. I did not feel any
pleasure, but I liked the attention, and rather enjoyed playing
with his member, which was of large size, and surrounded by thick
pubic hair. After I had played with him for some time I was
surprised at his having an emission of sticky matter. Afterward
he rubbed me again, saying that if I let him do it long enough he
would produce the same substance from me. This he failed to do,
however, though he rubbed me long and frequently, on that and
many other occasions. I was very disappointed at not being able
to have an emission, and on every occasion that offered I
endeavored to excite myself to the extent of compassing this. I
used to ask to go out of school two or three times a day, and
retired to the closet, where I practised on myself most
diligently, but to no purpose, at that time, though I began to
have pleasurable emotions in the act.

"When I went home for the holidays I took a great interest in one
of my father's maids, whose legs I felt as she ran upstairs one
day. I was in great fear that she would complain of what I had
done, but I was delighted to find that she did nothing of the
sort; on the contrary, she took to kissing and fondling me,
calling me her sweetheart and saying that I was a forward boy.
This encouraged me greatly, and I was not long in getting to
more intimate relations with her. She called me into her room one
day when we were alone in the house, she being in a half-dressed
condition, and put me on the bed and laid herself on me, kissing
me passionately on the mouth. She next unbuttoned my trousers and
fondled and kissed my member, and directed my hand to her
privates. I became very much excited and trembled violently, but
was able to do for her what she wanted in the way of masturbation
until she became wet. After this we had many meetings in which we
embraced and she let me introduce my member until she had
satisfied herself, though I was too young to have an emission.

"On return to school I practised mutual masturbation with several
of my schoolfellows, and finally, at the age of 14 years, had my
first real emission. I was greatly pleased thereat, and, with
this and the growth of hair which began to show on my pubis,
began to feel myself quite a man. I loved lying in the arms of
another boy, pressing against his body, and fondling his person
and being fondled by him in return. We always finished up with
mutual masturbation. We never indulged in any unnatural
connections.

"After leaving school I had no opportunity of indulging in
relations with my own sex, and, indeed, did not wish for such, as
I became a slave to the charms of the other sex, and passed most
of my time in either enjoying, or planning to enjoy, love
passages with them.

"The sight of a woman's limbs or bust, especially if partly
hidden by pretty underclothing, and the more so if seen by
stealth, was sufficient to give a lustful feeling and a violent
erection, accompanied by palpitation of the heart and throbbing
in the head.

"I had frequent coitus at the age of 17, as well as masturbating
regularly. I liked to perform masturbation on a girl, even more
than I liked having connection with her; and this was especially
so in the case of girls who had never had masturbation practised
on them before; I loved to see the look of surprised pleasure
appear on their faces as they felt the delightful and novel
sensation.

"To gratify this desire I persuaded dozens of girls to allow me
to take liberties with them, and it would surprise you to learn
what a number of girls, many of them in good social position,
permitted me the liberty I desired, though the supply was never
equal to my demand.

"With a view to enlarging my opportunities I took up the study of
medicine as a profession, and reveled in the chances it gave of
being on intimate sexual terms with many who would have been,
otherwise, out of my reach.

"At the age of 25 I married the daughter of an officer, a
beautiful girl with a fully developed figure and an amorous
disposition. While engaged, we used to pass hours wrapped in each
other's arms, practising mutual masturbation, or I would kiss
her passionately on the mouth, introducing my tongue into her
mouth at intervals, with the invariable result that I had an
emission and she went off into sighs and shivers. After marriage
we practised all sorts of fancy coitus, _coitus reservatus_,
etc., and rarely passed twenty-four hours without two
conjunctions, until she got far on in the family way, and our
play had to cease for a while.

"During this interval I went to stay at the house of an old
schoolfellow, who had been one of my lovers of days gone by. It
happened that on account of the number of guests staying in the
house the bed accommodation was somewhat scanty, and I agreed to
share my friend's bedroom. The sight of his naked body as he
undressed gave rise to lustful feelings in me; and when he had
turned out the light I stole across to his bed and got in beside
him. He made no objection, and we passed the night in mutual
masturbation and embraces, _coitus inter femora_, etc. I was
surprised to find how much I preferred this state of affairs to
coitus with my wife, and determined to enjoy the occasion to the
full. We passed a fortnight together in the above fashion, and,
though I afterward went back and did my duty by my wife, I never
took the same pleasure in her again, and when she died, five
years later, I felt no inclination to contract another marriage,
but devoted myself heart and soul to my old school-friend, with
whom I continued tender relations until his death by accident
last year. Since then I have lost all interest in life."

"The patient," writes the well-known alienist to whom I am
indebted for the above history, "consulted me lately. I found him
a fairly healthy man to look at, suffering from some neurasthenia
and a tendency to melancholia. Generative organs large, one
testicle shows some wasting, pubic hair abundant, form of body
distinctly masculine; temperament neurotic. He improved under
treatment, and, after seeing me three times and writing out the
above history, came no more."


HISTORY XII.--Mrs. B., aged 32. Father's family normal; mother's
family clever, eccentric, somewhat neuropathic. She is herself
normal, good-looking, usually healthy, highly intelligent, and
with much practical ability, though at some periods of life, and
especially in childhood, she has shared to some extent in the
high-strung and supersensitive temperament of her mother's
family. As a child she was sometimes spoiled and sometimes
cuffed, and suffered tortures from nervousness. She has, however,
acquired a large measure of self-control.

The first sensations which she now recognizes as sexual were
experienced at the age of 3, when her mother gave her an
injection; afterward she declared herself unable to relieve her
bowels naturally in order to obtain a repetition of this
experience, which was several times repeated. At the age of 7 a
man pursued her with attentions and attempted to take liberties,
but she rejected his advances in terror; four years later another
man attempted to assault her, but she resisted vigorously, struck
him, and escaped by running. Neither of these sexual attempts
appears to have left any serious permanent impression on the
child's mind.

At the age of 11, when her mother was giving her a bath, the
sensation of her mother's fingers touching her private parts gave
her what she now knows to be sexual feelings, and a year later
when taking her bath she would pour hot water on to the sexual
region in order to cause these sensations; this did not lead to
masturbation, but she had a vague idea that it was "wrong."

At the age of 12 menstruation began; she suffered very severely
from dysmenorrhea, the period sometimes lasting for ten days, and
the pain being often extreme. She was not treated for this
condition, her mother being of opinion that she would outgrow it.
From the age of 14 or 15 until 23, or about the period of her
marriage, she suffered from anemia.

She had little curiosity about sexual matters; her mother wished
that she should always come to her for information about things
she became acquainted with as to the general facts of sex; she
did not, however, know definitely the facts of copulation until
her marriage. She knew nothing of erection or semen, and thought
that when a man and woman placed their organs together a child
resulted. She hated talking about these subjects indecently, and
would not listen to the sexual conversation of her schoolfellows.
She never felt any homosexual attraction. Once another girl was
much in love with her, but she despised and disliked her
attentions; again, when a girl much older than herself, a friend
of her mother's, slept with her and made advances, she repelled
her and refused to sleep with her again.

She always got on well with men, and men were attracted to her.
She was direct and sincere, without undue modesty. But she never
allowed men to touch her or kiss her. She was a good dancer, and
fond of dancing, but denies that it ever led to sexual feelings.
She never felt any sexual attraction for a man until, at the age
of 20, she fell in love with her future husband five years or
more before marriage.

At this period she began to feel vague discomfort, which she knew
to be localized near her sexual organs. She was aware, in a dim
way, that it was connected with her love, and was of a sexual
nature. But there was no definite idea of sexual intercourse. She
felt nervous and depressed. If she had been asked to state what
would relieve her, she could only have said B.'s presence and
tenderness. A few days before he declared his love she
experienced the nearest approach to sexual feeling she had ever
had. It was summer and, with B. and some of her family, she had
gone on a little expedition. One evening, in the train after a
day's excursion, B. took her hand (unperceived by the others) and
held it for some time. This aroused the strongest emotions in
her; she closed her eyes, and, though she was not at the time
aware that her sensations were localized in her sexual organs,
she thinks, in the light of subsequent knowledge, that she then
experienced the orgasm.

During the engagement, which lasted between two and three years,
circumstances prevented frequent meetings. B. would kiss her,
suck her nipples, which became erect, and lie on her. She allowed
him to take these liberties, feeling that if she refused him all
satisfaction he might have relations with other women. She still
felt no definite desire for contact of the sexual organs. She
longed rather to be embraced and kissed, and to lie in her
lover's arms all night. A few months before marriage, however,
she masturbated occasionally, just before or just after
menstruation, imagining, while doing it, that she was in her
lover's arms. The act was usually followed by a sick feeling.
Just before marriage she underwent an operation for the relief of
the dysmenorrhea. She was somewhat shocked and sickened by the
experiences of the wedding night. It seemed to her that her
husband approached her with the violence of an animal, and there
was some difficulty in effecting entrance. Coitus, though
incomplete, took place some seven times on this first night. The
bleeding from rupture of the hymen continued, so that for two
days she had to wear a towel. For two months subsequently there
was great pain during intercourse, although she suppressed the
indications of this.

There were several children born of the marriage and for some
years she lived happily, on the whole, with her husband,
notwithstanding various hardships and difficulties and some
incompatibility of temper.

As regards her sexual feelings she considers, from what other
women have told her, that her feelings are, if anything, stronger
than the average. The orgasm, however, was not fully developed
until about five years after marriage. Sexual feeling is most
pronounced before, during, and after the menstrual period, more
especially before and about the third day (the period usually
lasts from five to seven days). There is more sexual desire
during pregnancy, especially toward the end, than at any other
time. She never refused normal intercourse to her husband, but
any abnormal or perverted method of sexual gratification is
repellent. She was awakened one night about the third month of
pregnancy by her husband inserting his penis _in ore_; the child
was born with palate defect and she is herself inclined to
believe that this incident was the cause of the defect. Though
she desires normal intercourse, she has seldom obtained complete
gratification. For a long time she disliked seeing or touching
the penis, and the feel, and especially the smell, of the semen
produced nausea and even vomiting. (She has a very delicate sense
of smell as well as of taste; though fond of the scent of
flowers, no sexual feelings are thus aroused.) Withdrawal and the
use of condoms are unsatisfactory to her, and mutual masturbation
gives no relief and produces headache. Feelings of friendship for
her husband have been most potent in arousing the sexual
emotions, and she has had most pleasure in intercourse after a
day spent in bicycling together. She has been for many months at
a time without sexual intercourse, and during such periods has
suffered much from pain in the head; this, however, she has now
completely surmounted. She eventually discovered that her
husband's abstinence from marital intercourse was due to
infidelity. This led to a definite separation. She still
occasionally experiences sexual desire, but has no inclination to
masturbate. Her life is full and busy, affording ample scope for
her energies and intelligence; moreover, she has her children to
train and educate. She herself believes that her sexual life is
at an end.


HISTORY XIII.--G.R., army officer. "I am 35 years of age. My
parents married at the ages of 38 and 25, and my father is now 84
and my mother 71; both are particularly strong and healthy in
body and mind. I am of old lineage on both sides, and know of no
disease, defect, or abnormality among any of my ancestors or
relations, except that my mother's family has a slight tendency
to drink and excess, the present members of it all being
considered eccentric. I have one brother and one sister living
(brother unmarried, sister with several children) and am the
youngest of a family of five. My brother is abnormal, but I don't
know exactly in what way or from what cause. I have a strong
suspicion that he masturbates to excess. My father is artistic
and my mother musical. I have no aptitude for either, but
appreciate both enormously, though not until about ten years ago.
My principal reading is religion, science, and philosophy, with
an occasional standard novel, or a modern novel of the 'improper'
type by way of relaxation. I became a convinced and militant
rationalist about five years ago, but have been an unbeliever
since I left school. I was anemic and threatened with bowel
complaint at the age of 7, and was in consequence taken abroad
for my health. I am now strong and vigorous, with great powers of
endurance, and enjoy all forms of sport and exercise,
particularly hunting, pig-sticking, and polo. I drink a lot, and
am never fitter than when eating, drinking, and taking exercise
in what most people would call excess. It takes more alcohol than
I can hold to make me drunk when in England; but not so in the
East. I have been told that I am very good-looking.

"When I was about 4 or 5 I was constantly chaffed by my older
companions about putting my hand down my trousers and playing
with my privates. I don't remember getting an erection, nor at
what age this first occurred with me. At one time my brother and
I used to play about with my sister's underclothing, and took
great pleasure in it, but we never saw her genitals. She told us
that on carefully examining herself one day she was glad to find
that she had a small penis like boys had--doubtless the clitoris.
When in France, at the age of 8 to 10, I began to notice the
sexual parts of animals, and was very keen to know what mares
kept between their hind legs. Later on I took great pleasure with
another boy in feeling the teats of a she-ass, and, by myself,
the penis of a donkey, as I had seen the French grooms do; but I
took no interest in my own penis. I used to put my finger as far
up the anus as it would go, and got a vague satisfaction from it.
I went to a small private school at the age of 11, having been
previously told by my mother of the manner of birth of men and
animals, of which I was quite ignorant till then. She made no
mention of the part taken by the father, and I never thought
about it. Even then I was left with the impression that one was
born through the navel. I was initiated at school, and used to
handle the penis of the boy who told me. On several occasions I
did _fellatio_ for him, and liked it, but he never offered to do
the same for me, and I don't think he got much satisfaction out
of it. Soon after this I became conscious of pleasurable
sensations when lying on my stomach with an erection, and used
occasionally to gratify myself that way, caring little for the
school tradition that it was 'wicked' and bad for one. On one
occasion, when talking at night with another boy, we compared our
organs, both in erection, and I then for the first time thought
of trying what I had heard vaguely mentioned, viz., two boys
playing at man and woman. I lay on him with my penis on his
stomach and almost at once had an orgasm with emission, and
experienced acute pleasure, though both he and I supposed that I
had involuntarily micturated. I was 13 when this happened. I did
it once more with him before I left, this time the other way up,
so as to spare him the unpleasantness. I used to like kissing and
hugging the smaller boys, and had a great eye for good looks. On
going home for the holidays I masturbated with my hand out of
curiosity to see what happened when the orgasm occurred, and then
only did I fully understand the nature of the act. After this the
rush and strangeness of a large public school distracted my
attention, but I heard about wet dreams, masturbation, and
homosexuality from the other boys, and soon became thoroughly
initiated. I believe the tone of my house, if not of the whole
school, was exceptionally bad; though it may only be that I saw
more of it because I was attracted by it, and that other schools
are the same really. Things involving certain expulsion if found
out were done more or less in public, and I have myself openly
got into bed with or masturbated other boys, and on more than one
occasion have helped forcibly to masturbate small boys or to hold
them while others had connection with them, the idea of the last
two acts being that the boy would thereby be seduced and become
available for, and willing to perform, homosexuality. Before I
became big enough to have boys myself I masturbated frequently
(on one occasion three times in the day), and invariably by lying
on my stomach without the use of the hands. In having connection
with other boys I used to do it between the thighs or on the
stomach, and I never heard of any other way at that school.
_Pædicatio_ would disgust me, and, moreover, would deprive me of
the principal pleasure of intercourse, viz., the feeling of lying
face to face and stomach to stomach. Of course, the satisfaction
used to be mutual, but, though good-looking, I was never the
passive party only, like some small boys who might be called
professionals and whom I used to pay for their services. I went
back after I had left and had a boy in the dark whom I had never
seen before, having been told that he was all right. I used to
have a very genuine affection for any party to my pleasure,
though I took delight in torturing one in particular, but for
what reason I cannot say. For one boy I developed a deep love,
which lasted long after we had left school and had ceased all
sexual connection. This love was as strong as anything I have
ever felt since.

"I don't remember whether it was while I was at school or later
that I first began again to take a sexual interest in animals. I
used to masturbate a good deal and was always trying to find new
ways of doing it and new substances to lie on. It was while
feeling the vulva of a young mare that the brilliant thought
struck me of trying to copulate with her, and thus getting the
advantage of the soft vagina. It afforded me great satisfaction
and I had an emission, though I did not then, nor at any other
time with any other animal, succeed in penetrating properly. I
afterward did the same with other mares and with a certain cow
whenever I got a safe opportunity, which was not as often as I
could have wished. I have not had connection with an animal for
about ten years, but would have no objection to doing so, and
feel sure I could perform the act properly now. After I left
school at 17, I occasionally had longings for boys, but it was
the exception and not the rule. I continued to masturbate, but
not to excess, and used to make ineffectual efforts to stop it,
but never succeeded for very long. When I was confirmed, at the
age of 15, I became intensely religious, and was so remorseful at
my first lapse from virtue that I burnt my leg with a red-hot
poker, and I bear the scar still. On leaving school I went to
Germany and there had my first coitus with a woman, a fat old
German who gave me very little satisfaction. My next, a Jewess,
gave me more than I asked for, in the shape of a soft chancre. In
my ignorance I never had it treated, but it must have been very
mild, for it disappeared of its own accord. When cramming in
England I occasionally went home with a prostitute, but did not
care much about them and could not afford good ones. On one
occasion I was impotent. It may have been through drink, but it
disgusted me with myself. I liked seeing the women naked, and
always insisted that they should strip, especially the breasts,
which I liked large and full. I had not learned to kiss on the
lips, and had no desire to kiss the body, except the breasts,
which I was generally too shy to do. But as I nearly always wore
a condom and found penetration difficult I did not much enjoy the
actual coitus. I am fully convinced that if women had been more
accessible, if I had not thought myself bound to use preventives
in self-defense, and if the act had not been looked upon with
such disfavor by those in authority over me, I should have
masturbated less or not at all, and would not have been tempted
to bestiality. When I was 22 I had coitus with a girl who was not
a prostitute for the first time. I was violently excited and
enjoyed it more than anything I had yet experienced, in spite of
the facts that she would not undress and insisted on withdrawal
before emission. On one other occasion only have I had coitus
with a non-professional unmarried woman. Shortly after this I
caught syphilis from a girl of the streets. I was circumcised and
stayed in a private hospital for six weeks. It never went beyond
the primary stage, and I have felt no ill effects from it, except
that I have got a hydrocele in the right testicle. Of course,
this incident necessitated the use of a condom on every occasion,
and it greatly spoiled my pleasure. About this time a
brother-officer older than myself made advances to me. He
compared me to a Greek statue, and wanted to kiss me. I would
have nothing to do with him, but was glad to have his confessions
of homosexuality and somewhat surprised to learn that he was not
alone in the regiment. I afterward fell in love with his sister,
and he married and had children. He was bisexual in his
inclinations, but was really in love with me for a short time.

"I had little to do with professionals until I went to South
Africa, and though I was fond of ladies' society, and liked by
ladies, I looked upon them as something apart, especially married
women, and never attempted to take liberties with them; though I
used to with shopgirls, etc., in my cramming days, and had often
been in love. In South Africa I first began really to enjoy
coitus, and on going to India continued to do so; in fact, I
thought sexually of nothing else and rarely masturbated,--perhaps
once in three weeks. I would go to brothels wherever they were
available, Durban, Cape Town, Colombo, Calcutta, Bombay, and at
one time preferred black women to white. I used to have horrible
orgies with my brother-officers, and on one occasion I ordered
six women to my bungalow in order to celebrate my birthday, and
made a present of them to five of my friends after dinner. During
this period, and until I went home, I rarely spoke to a lady, the
chief exception being No. 1, a brother-officer's wife, with whom
I began to be in love.

"Shortly after the South African War I fell violently in love
with a young brother-officer, 'Z.' It amounted to a passion and I
was forced to make overtures to him. He did not understand, being
ignorant of homosexuality and quite virile, and would have
nothing to do with me, though he was very nice about it. This
lasted for about a year, and then, thinking no doubt that he had
better stop it, as I was really making myself very ridiculous and
was mad with love, he threw me up altogether. I was intensely
miserable for some time, and then I recovered and we made it up,
and are now firm friends. I still want to kiss and stroke him
when I see him naked, but would do nothing more. I went home by
way of Japan after several years' absence from home, taking the
women of the Eastern ports as I went, until I contracted
gonorrhea in the Tokio Yoshiwara. I could not get rid of it, and
arrived home in that state, having been deprived of the pleasure
of trying several new races on the way in consequence. In England
I rushed into a society which I had quit on such different terms,
and it received me with open arms. I very soon began a flirtation
with a married woman, and she completed my education in kissing
which had been begun by the Japanese harlots. I was just coming
to the point with this woman when I met No. 1 again, and my love
for her was at once renewed. I told her so, but I knew that she
did not return it. I then became attracted to No. 2, a girl older
than myself, whom I had known all my life. I kissed her and
fondled her breasts; but she would not allow anything else, until
one night, when in the train with her, I got my hand down farther
than she intended. It ended in my performing _cunnilingus_ on her
first, and then obtaining satisfaction between her thighs--a
large step to take after the former limitations. Previous to this
I had on several occasions obtained an emission, without meaning
to, by lying on her fully dressed. She was aware of my disease,
which by that time had become a gleet and did not inconvenience
me in any way. From that time until I went back to India we went
through the same performance whenever possible, I masturbating
her sometimes with the finger, sometimes with the tongue, and
having connection with various parts of her body, including the
breasts, but always with a condom on account of my disease. She
used to strip for my edification, and we frequently spent the
night in the same bed. I was attracted to her mentally, but not
very much physically; that is to say, that if circumstances had
not thrown us together I should never have picked her out from
other girls as being sexually attractive to me. I returned to
India, and to No. 1, though I kept faithful to No. 2 in word and
deed for five months, but gradually the overmastering influence
of No. 1 reasserted itself over me. And then I met No. 3. We were
attracted to each other at first acquaintance, and the attraction
was mental and sexual. She was married and in love with another
man, but that did not prevent her from kissing me. I felt her
breasts, masturbated her, and had emissions by lying on her, but
she drew the line at one thing, viz., kissing on the lips; and I
drew it at coitus. We arranged a trip together during which I
went to bed with her, but never had coitus, though we both had
frequent orgasms in other ways. Before starting on this trip I
had thought that I should not see No. 1 again, and she let me
kiss her, to my unspeakable joy. Circumstances, however,
intervened, and I went straight to No. 1 after parting with No.
3, told her all I had done, and then kissed her again, leaving
her just before her real lover, with whom she was then living,
arrived. Later I returned again to No. 1, now in child to her
lover. We lived together for three nights in spite of this. She
then went home, and I had no connection with any woman for two
years, except one black woman, being consumed with love and
worship for No. 1. I was much in society, but never had any luck.
At the end of this time I was traveling one night with a young
officer ('X'), slight and effeminate and preferring men to women,
with whom I had been until then on friendly but not intimate
terms. I watched him undress and go to bed, and then, having
myself undressed, went over to his bunk and put my hand under his
clothes. He at once responded, and I got into his bed, both of us
being in a frenzy of passion and surprise. But I was fairly sure
of my ground or I would not have dared to take the risk. I used
often to go to his bed after this, and on one occasion had coitus
with a girl on a chair at a ball and the next night with my young
officer. I scarcely knew the girl, and don't know her name now,
but I took her measure, made her excited by manipulation and
kissing, and then got her consent. I did not harm her, even if I
had been the first, for orgasm occurred before I had penetrated
beyond the lips. X surprised me by telling me that he had had
connection with three other officers in my regiment, as well as
with several others in the same station. He would not tell me
their names, but I guessed easily enough. He used to drink
heavily, and once I got into his bed when he was in a drunken
stupor and he was quite unaware that I was there for some time. I
myself was drinking too much at this time, and was frequently
drunk before dinner. In the hot weather that followed I had one
orgy in Bombay which lasted three nights. I started on a Greek
and a Pole and finished up with a Japanese, two brother-officers
accompanying me. Afterward I was much alone during the day in my
bungalow, and used to become possessed by intense desire. I
masturbated occasionally, but by this time took but little
pleasure in it, always craving for the moist human vagina. I had
often heard, and myself quoted, the Pathan proverb 'Women for
breeding; boys for pleasure; melons for delight,' and one day
when seeking for some novelty with which to masturbate, and my
eye being caught by a melon put ready for me to eat, it flashed
across me to try whether the proverb was in any way true. I found
it most satisfactory, and practised it several times after that,
the pepita (papaye or pawpaw) being the nearest approach to the
human vagina. The opportune arrival of a fairly good-looking
punkah woman, however, put an end to this form of enjoyment by
providing me with what I wanted. Soon afterward I went home
again, taking the Japanese at Bombay on my way.

"I had kept up a correspondence with No. 1 all this time, but we
had made a compact that whatever each did until we met again was
not to count, and I knew that she had had at least one liaison
since our parting, and was in entire ignorance of the state of
her feelings toward me. Therefore, while trying to arrange a
meeting with her, I took the first thing that chance threw in my
way, thinking a bird in the hand better than the off chance of a
better one in the bush. This was No. 4, with whom I spent three
days at the seaside after having first had coitus with her in my
own home while she was in the monthly state. Immediately on
parting from her I came home to receive No. 1. The first time we
were alone she kissed me, and this was followed by mutual
confessions and coitus, though at first she said my affair was
too recent. I agreed not to have connection again with No. 4, and
kept to this until when staying in the same house again with her
I was tempted beyond my powers; and I may add that she gave me no
assistance in keeping this promise, of which she was fully
cognizant. I at once wrote and confessed to No. 1, and she very
naturally would have nothing more to do with me. But I managed to
reconcile her, and we afterward lived together for three days in
the country, as well as in London and in her own house. Meanwhile
No. 5 had been making advances to me which I could not well
refuse, being a very old friend. Nos. 4 and 5 were on one
occasion staying together at my house, just after I had been
faithless to No. 1 with No. 4. I could not very well sleep with
them both, so at the earnest entreaty of No. 4 I went to her room
first, told her my reasons for not having connection with her,
left her in tears, and then went and slept with No. 5. This is
the only transaction I have ever concealed from No. 1; but No. 5
knows my whole story and accepts the situation of being only
second so long as I give her satisfaction whenever possible.
About this time I again met No. 3 and kissed and masturbated her
in a cab, but she would not allow me to go home with her. At the
bidding of No. 1 I now broke entirely with No. 4, to the great
grief and astonishment of my sister, whose friend she was.
Shortly after this I again returned to India, where I quarreled
hopelessly with No. 1, and I don't know to this day what my fault
was, except that she had got tired of me. Her influence over me
is, however, too great to be so easily broken, and I would return
to her tomorrow if she moved a finger in reconciliation. During
the following hot weather I slowly but surely, albeit quite
unconsciously, obtained an influence over No. 6, and it ended by
her falling desperately in love with me and allowing me to do
what I liked. I did not love her, and told her about No. 1, whose
image always remained in the back of my vision, whatever I was
doing. She also accepted the situation, and I don't think has any
grievance against me. For my part I have nothing but thanks and
gratitude and as much love as I am capable of to give her, and
all the other women with whom I have had any sexual relations.
The following is a short account of the above women:--

"No. 1. Had coitus before marriage, for love and with full
knowledge of the nature of the act. Agreement with her husband
not to have coitus rigidly adhered to by both. Has had connection
with five other men since marriage. Very passionate, but faddy
and particular. Slow at producing orgasm. Likes being in bed
naked, and liked me once for having kissed her mons veneris.
Thin, with undeveloped breasts. Brilliant, good-looking. Artistic
and highly intellectual. Never masturbated, and did not know of
homosexuality among women; very sensitive to touch on the
pudenda.

"No. 2. Has had sexual relations, but never coitus, with many
men. Mutually masturbated with one man. Masturbated herself
frequently, and took a long time to produce orgasm, even with
_cunnilingus_, which delighted her immensely. After having it
performed, she would stoop down and passionately kiss my lips.
Fond of prolonged kisses, during which the tongue played a
prominent part. Tall and fully developed, but no looks. Clever,
masculine brain, and strong physically. Skillfully concealed her
passionate nature, which, however, was long in developing and was
long kept in check by maidenly modesty.

"No. 3. Innocent before marriage, and hated her _fiancé_ even to
touch her, which feeling still persists. Has had liaisons with
many men, and several miscarriages, one legitimate, others
illegitimate, and one illegitimate child. Does not masturbate
herself, but readily yields to its seduction when performed by
others. The most passionate woman I have ever met. Good, typical,
womanly figure, but thin and weak. Not much looks, but very
fascinating to men. Clever and intellectual.

"No. 4. Coitus only with her husband before myself. Not very
passionate. I know nothing about masturbation or homosexuality in
her case. Very broad hips, large breasts, and well-developed
nates. Deserted by her husband. No children. Rather foolish and
weak-minded. Penetration difficult owing to long labia majora.

"No. 5. Knows all about homosexuality of both sexes and wants to
know more about everything. Probably masturbates. Several
children. In love with her husband at first, but now tired of him
and took to other men for variety and because her husband had
ceased to give her sexual pleasure. Very passionate; has slow
orgasm; likes nakedness and contact of body. Very large vagina.
Broad hips and full breasts. Intellectual, but not so by nature.
Artistic and very musical.

"No. 6. Absolutely innocent before marriage. Was practically
raped by her husband on her marriage night. This disgusted her
with the whole performance, and she could not bear her husband's
caresses. During pregnancy she was frightened because she did not
know what was going to happen, i.e., how the child was going to
be born; and no one enlightened her,--doctor, nurse, or mother.
Did not know the meaning of the words sexual feeling, and never
thought about sexual matters at all until marriage. I roused her
passion, put things in their true light, made her have an orgasm,
and told her what it meant. The orgasms at first made her cry and
nearly faint, and she thereafter became intensely passionate.
Very excited at cunnilingus, which I practised on her more than
once. She confessed that the orgasm was stronger and more
complete during coitus than during masturbation, which relieved
my mind. She volunteered to strip naked and has but little
shyness with me. Cannot bear her husband yet. She admits that she
was only half a woman before she knew me, but now regrets her
marriage. Short, thin, and slight, with narrow hips and no
breasts. Quick woman's wit, but not intellectual.

"Of the prostitutes I have known, perhaps 60 in number, the
Japanese easily take the palm. They are scrupulously clean, have
charming manners and beautiful bodies, and take an intelligent
interest in the proceedings. Also they are not always thinking
about the money. Perhaps the Kashmiris come next, though the
Chinese run them very close. Some of the more expensive London
women are bearable, but they are such harlots! The white women in
the East are insupportable, and small wonder, for they consist of
the dregs of the European and American markets. My list comprises
English, French, German, Italian, Spanish-American, American,
Bengali, Punjabi, Kashmiri, Kaffir, Singhalese, Tamil, Burmese,
Malay, Japanese, Chinese, Greek, and Pole.

"I naturally prefer to satisfy myself with a woman, a friend and
a lady of my own class; but in the absence of the best I gladly
take the next best available, down the scale from a lady for
whom I do not care to prostitutes of all classes and colors, men,
boys, animals, melons, and masturbation. I would as cheerfully
have connection with my sister, or any other female relative. I
have frequent erotic dreams about the most extraordinary
subjects--male and female relations, casual acquaintances of both
sexes, and animals. When I have got an intrigue in hand with a
woman, I have no wish to masturbate, and often restrain myself
when I know that I am going to have access before long to
prostitutes. After coitus it takes a long time before I am ready
for the next, sometimes two hours; and the first is always very
quick, nearly always too quick for the woman. With a strange
woman I have difficulty in maintaining erection at the instant of
penetration, and this has often given me trouble.

"I know that most women like, and few dislike, being touched by
me. My favorite colors are green and red, and I can whistle quite
well.

"I would be very glad to know whether I may be considered
sexually normal or not, but I do not desire any opinion on the
morality of my acts, for the simple reason that without knowing
all the circumstances it would be impossible to judge. But I
cannot help saying that I do not consider anything I have done is
wrong in itself, and I am quite certain that I have never harmed
in any way any of the ladies with whom I have had relations. I am
certain, if I had made promises which I knew I could not keep, I
might have married one of them. But the result would have been
great unhappiness to both, quarrels, and ultimate separation or
divorce--and she realized that as well as I did. I may seem
egotistical in my attitude and assurance toward ladies, but I
only speak the honest truth; and I know that No. 6, for instance,
has only gratitude and worship to give me for having opened her
eyes. I have made her promise to have intercourse with her
husband as soon as she can bear it, and I have satisfied myself
that I have not started her on the road to sexual perversion. So
much in self-explanation. I may add that I do not deliberately
seek 'affaires de coeur,' and that, when they come my way, I do
my utmost to use all consideration for the lady, thinking, as I
do, that I owe them a far bigger debt than I shall ever be able
to pay."


HISTORY XIV.--J.E., professional man, aged 32. Public school and
university education, in which he did well. From age of 6 or 7
had strong sexual emotions, and from 9 sexually pleasurable
dreams, though no emission till 12 or 13. He remembers the
association of sexual excitement with whipping, either at sight
or imagination of it, and this feeling was certainly shared by
boys aged 9 to 12 at his private boarding-school and others at
the public school later on. His nurse-maid used to invent excuses
for beating his nates with a long lead-pencil when he was aged
about 7, and he saw occasional whippings with clothes removed in
the family nursery.

When nearly 16 he was initiated into masturbation, which at once
coincided with rapid mental development and success at school. He
has practised it ever since under same conditions and
restrictions as marital intercourse. Religion has never acted as