guessed my feelings, they were never admitted, as I did my best
to hide them. I never experienced this, except at the touch of
some one I loved. (I think the saying about the woman 'desiring
the desire of the man' is just about as true as most epigrams. It
is the man's personality alone which affects me. His feelings
toward me are of--I was going to say--indifference, but at any
rate quite secondary importance, and the gratification of my own
vanity counts as nothing in such relations.)

"As a rule, to reach even the second stage the exciting ideas
must be associated with some particular person, except in the
case of a story, where one identifies one's self with one of the
characters. In childhood and early youth it was, in the case of
religion, the idea of God and the presence and the personality of
God which aroused my feelings and always seemed very vivid to me.
In the case of my governess, my feelings were aroused in exactly
the same way as later they would be by one's lover. In the art
craze I am rather vague as to how it came about, but I think, as
a rule, there was rather a craving for pleasure than pleasure
itself. I do not remember ever thinking much about the physical
feeling. It seemed as natural that a pleasant emotion should
produce pleasant physical effects as that a painful one should
cause tears. As a child, one takes so much for granted, and later
on my mind was so much occupied with worrying about the truth of
religion that I hardly thought enough about anything else to
analyze it carefully.

"I may summarize my own feelings thus: First, exciting ideas
alone produce, as a rule, merely the first stage of sexual
excitement. Second, the same ideas connected with a particular
person will produce the second stage. Third, the same may be said
of the presence of the beloved person. Fourth, actual contact
appears necessary for the third stage. If the first stage only be
reached, the sensation is not pleasurable in reality, or would
not be but for its association. If produced, as I have sometimes
found it to be, by a sense of mental incapacity, it is distinctly
disagreeable, especially if one feels that the energy which might
have been used in coping with the difficulty is being thus
dissipated. If it be produced, as it may be, as the result of
physical or mental restraint, it is also unpleasant unless the
restraint were put upon one by a person one loves. Then, however,
the second stage would probably be reached, but this would depend
a good deal on one's mood. If the first stage only were reached,
I think it would be disagreeable; it would mean a conflict
between one's will and sexual feeling. Perhaps women who feel
actual repugnance to the sexual act with a man they love have
never gone beyond the first stage, when their dislike to it would
be quite intelligible to me.

"Some time after the life in Italy had come to an end I became
engaged. There was considerable difficulty in the way of
marriage, but we saw a good deal of each other. My _fiancé_ often
dined with us, and we met every day. The result of seeing him so
frequently was that I was kept in a constant state of strong, but
suppressed, sexual excitement. This was particularly the case
when we met in the evening and wandered about the moonlit garden
together. When this had gone on about three months I began to
experience a sense of discomfort after each of his visits. The
abdomen seemed to swell with a feeling of fullness and
congestion; but, though these sensations were closely connected
with the physical excitement, they were not sufficiently painful
to cause me any alarm or make me endeavor to avoid their
pleasurable cause. The symptoms got worse, however, and no longer
passed off quickly as at first. The swelling increased;
considerable pain and a dragged-down sensation resulted the
moment I tried to walk even a short distance. I was troubled
with constant indigestion, weight in the chest, pain in the head
and eyes, and continual slight diarrhea. This went on for about
nine months, and then my _fiancé_ was called away from the
neighborhood. After his departure I got a trifle better, but the
symptoms remained, though in less acute form. A few months later
the engagement was broken off, and for some weeks I was severely
ill with influenza and was on my back for several weeks. When I
could get about a little, though very weak, all the swelling was
gone, but pain returned whenever I tried to walk or stand for
long. The indigestion and diarrhea were also very troublesome. I
was treated for both by a physician, but without success. Next
year I became engaged to my husband and was shortly after
married. The indigestion and diarrhea disappeared soon after. The
pain and dragging feeling in the abdomen bothered me much in
walking or any kind of exercise. One day I came across a medical
work, _The Elements of Social Science_, in which I found
descriptions of symptoms like those I suffered from ascribed to
uterine disease. I again applied to a doctor, telling him I
thought there was displacement and possibly congestion. He
confirmed my opinion and told me to wear a pessary. He ascribed
the displacement to the relaxing climate, and said he did not
think I should ever get quite right again. After the pessary had
been placed in position every trace of pain, etc., left me. A
year later I thought I would try and do without the pessary, and
to my great satisfaction none of the old trials came back after
its removal, in spite of much trouble, anxiety, sick nursing, and
fatigue. I attribute the disorder entirely to violent sexual
excitement which was not permitted its natural gratification and
relief.

"I have reason to believe that suppression acts very injuriously
on a woman's mental capacity. When excitement is naturally
relieved the mind turns of its own accord to another subject, but
when suppressed it is unable to do this. Personally, in the
latter event, I find the greatest difficulty in concentrating my
thoughts, and mental effort becomes painful. Other women have
complained to me of the same difficulty. I have tried mechanical
mental work, such as solving arithmetical or algebraic problems,
but it does no good; in fact, it seems only to increase the
excitement. (I may remark here that my feelings are always very
strong not only before and after the monthly period, but also
during the time itself; very unfortunately, as, of course, they
cannot then be gratified. This only applies to desire from
within, as I am strongly susceptible to influences from without
at any time.) There seems nothing to be done but to bow to the
storm till it passes over. Anything I do during the time it
lasts, even household work, is badly done. The brain seems to
become addled for the time being, while after gratification of
desire it seems to attain an additional quickness and cleverness.
Perhaps this cause contributes to the small amount of
intellectual and artistic work done by women, admitting their
natural inferiority to men in artistic impulse. A woman whose
passions are satisfied generally has her strength sapped by
maternity, while her attention is drawn from abstract ideas to
her children."


HISTORY III.--B. states that his first sexual thoughts and acts
were curiously connected with whipping. At 12 he and another boy
used to beat each other with a cricket bat upon the bare nates,
and afterward indulge in mutual masturbation. He cannot remember
the beginning of his sexual speculation as a child, nor how he
learned masturbation. When he was 13 he used to discuss erotic
matters with a schoolfellow who was in the habit of engaging in
vulvar intercourse with a girl of his own age. The intercourse
was practised on the way home from school, and in a standing
posture. B. embraced the girl in the same way. He is not
interested in the psychological aspects of the sexual emotion.
Although his sex passion was early kindled, he never had commerce
with prostitutes. He thinks that his youthful experiences had no
ill effect upon him morally, mentally, or physically. He
practised masturbation in moderation till he married, at the age
of 31.


HISTORY IV.--"I can remember" (writes the subject) "trotting away
as a youngster about 5 with another boy to 'see a girl's legs';
the idea emanated from the other boy, but I was vaguely
interested. How or where we were going to see the object in
question I do not remember nor anything further than the
intention. When 6 or 7 I remember being put to bed with the nurse
girl and feeling her bare arm with undoubted sexual excitement; I
remember, too, gradually feeling along the arm very cautiously,
fearing the girl would wake and being bitterly disappointed to
find it was merely the arm. I am almost certain I had then no
idea of sex, but the disappointment was actual.

"These are the only early experiences of the sort I can remember.
When about 9 I had others. On the coast of the north of England,
which had then very few visitors and seemed to me very remote, I
lived in a farm-house and used to assist the girls of the farm in
looking after young cattle. These girls certainly instilled
sexual ideas, though I did not realize them with precision. They
used to talk about things a good many of which, I can now see, I
did not then understand as they did. I liked to see these girls
wading with their dresses tucked up. About this time I fell
passionately in love with a girl cousin, but do not remember
having any sensual ideas in regard to her. I cannot say that
these early experiences had any influence on my later sexual
development so far as I am consciously aware. I have always
remembered them vaguely, never with sexual excitement.

"Sexual dreams took place first at about the age of 13; there was
then emission and sensation in sleep. These were, however, not
much associated with distinctly sexual dreams. All that I recall
after them was the sensation, which, however, I did not even then
absolutely localize. Masturbation was undoubtedly the direct
result of these dreams. It was tried at first tentatively, out of
curiosity to determine if the sensation of the dream could be so
reproduced. Sexual dreams, such as I have described, occurred
frequently, although I cannot say at what interval. I have never
experienced the slightest attraction for the same sex."


HISTORY V.--"My maternal grandfather" (writes the subject of this
history) "was a small farmer who kept a few beagles and
greyhounds for hare-hunting. He had three daughters, one of whom
became my mother. One of his sporting companions, a doctor of
profligate habits and a drunkard, seduced my mother at the age of
20. When her condition was discovered she had to flee from the
violence of her father, and I was born some distance from her
home. After my grandfather's death I was reared by my
grandmother, and saw nothing of my mother until I was nearly 16;
she had left the country in shame and disgrace.

"I believe that in my heredity the transmission comes chiefly
from my mother, who is now 58 years old. Although her life has
been blameless in every particular since her youthful
indiscretion, she has never got over it. I feel in my character a
reflection of her overstrung condition during pregnancy.

"I can distinctly remember from the age of 9 years, and am sure
that I had no sexual feelings before the age of 13, though always
in the company of girls. I had many boyish passions for girls,
always older than myself, but these were never accompanied by
sexual desires. I deified all my sweethearts, and was satisfied
if I got a flower, a handkerchief, or even a shred of clothing of
my inamorata for the time being. These things gave me a strange
idealistic emotion, but caused no sexual desire or erection.

"At 13 a 26-year-old sister of a boy companion once sat down on a
sheaf of corn so as to expose the mons veneris and enticed me to
copulate. There was slight erection, and after the act had been
continued some time a pleasurable sensation of ejaculation, but
without true emission. I had frequent relations with this woman
after that.

"About this time the farm servant of a neighbor taught me
masturbation. The mistress of the farm, a thin, willowy, dark
woman, the mother of several children, treated me with such
familiarity as once to urinate in my presence, so that I saw her
very hirsute mons veneris. From that moment I conceived a great
passion for her, and used to tremble as soon as I saw her. I had
become well developed and virile, but, though I think she was a
lustful woman, I never ventured to touch her. I found an extreme
ecstasy in masturbating while gazing upon some article of her
clothing. This gave me much greater sexual pleasure than actual
connection with the ever-willing sister of my schoolfellow. I
think I loved the married woman best because the mons veneris was
more covered with hair.

"This has always had a peculiar attraction for me. Later, when
accosted by prostitutes, I never would go with them unless I was
assured the mons veneris was very hirsute. Never much addicted to
masturbation, I derived no great enjoyment therefrom unless I had
hair or part of the clothing of the woman with whom I was
indulging in psychic coitus.

"At 16 I left school and went to a large city to learn a
business. At this time the sexual appetite was very strong. I
frequently had intercourse with three women in one evening.

"I have had but few lascivious dreams. In these the phantom
partner was almost invariably a dead woman. (When about 8 I had
seen the dead body of an aunt who died at 24.)

"When 20 I went to London and took all the pleasure which came my
way. I cared only for normal coitus. Offers of another type
created disgust. I once allowed a woman to exhaust me sexually
orally, but felt degraded thereby. Women with whom I had become
very intimate often urged me to _cunnilingus_, but I could not do
it. I have practised intermammary coitus a very few times.

"At 26 I married a pure, gentle woman, after having for ten
months before marriage led a life of celibacy. My wife died when
I was 30, and for about eight months I lived a celibate life.
Lascivious dreams sometimes occurred, but I invariably awoke
before ejaculation. Eventually I gave way to the cravings of my
strong sexual nature, but never wished for anything out of the
usual except intercourse from behind. A woman with marked
development of the nates has great attraction for me. Solitary
masturbation has for some time ceased, but a nude woman in the
act of masturbation with her back to me gives me great pleasure.
I am as strong sexually at 38 as I was at 20, only I never want
women unless I am brought into actual contact with them and they
are hairy and have large pelvic development. I am in excellent
health. Genitals are well developed, and I am clothed with hair
from the chin to the genitals. My skull is dolichocephalic. I am
violent and tenacious in temper, high-strung, and rapid in
thought and action. My digestion is good, but I have a tendency
to constipation. Occasionally I have a twinge of pain below the
occipital region.

"My early views of women have changed; I no longer deify them,
though I study them. I have known very sensual women living at
home in respectable middle-class society. One, in particular, a
girl of 18, after coitus used to excite me lingually. I have had
a sweetheart who remained _virgo intacta_. Had I seduced her, as
I could have done, I should have lost all interest in her. I
could never bear the presence of naked men, and would never go to
a public swimming bath for that reason. I regard myself as a man
of abnormally strong, but, on the whole, healthy and wholesome,
sexual feelings. As a rule, I have coitus twice or oftener in one
week and I practise withdrawal. I am a total abstainer, and never
could embrace a woman who smelled of drink."

HISTORY VI.--The writer of the following is a man of letters,
married. "Quite early I remember a strange and romantic interest
in the feminine. Certainly before I was 9 I had a strong
affection for a little girl playmate; our family lost sight of
hers, and I saw and heard nothing of her for sixteen years; then,
hearing she was coming to town, I experienced quite a flutter of
heart, so strong had been the impression caused at even the early
age of our acquaintance. Not that I mean to say I never wavered
in between! Through the whole of my boyhood I remember persistent
romantic interests in girls and women, whose smooth, fair faces
and sweet voices exercised ever a subtle attraction over me.
Before I was 12 I had picked out my 'future wife' a dozen times
at least! (A different one each time of course!) Curiosity as to
the physical detail of sex and birth was singularly absent.
Possibly this was partly due to the fact that the only younger
member of our family was born when I was but 4 years old. Grave,
shy, and reserved, I was never taken into the counsels of
prurient schoolmates. I was unaware that there was such
discussion between them--though it is, I suppose, not probable
that our school was exempt. I was a great reader, and when about
12 or 13 I came across a reference to an illegitimate child which
puzzled me. Ere long, however, in my random and extensive reading
I hit on a book that touched on phallicism, and I learned that
there were male and female organs of generation. I had neither
shame nor curiosity; I jumped to the conclusion that during close
caresses somehow a subtle aroma arose from the man to fertilize
the woman; I left the subject at this, satisfied, and had no
inkling of the real intimacy of the embrace.

"About 14, much interested in Bradlaugh, I bought both the
Knowlton pamphlet and Mrs. Besant's population book. I found the
physical details in scientific language so dull that I could not
peruse them. By reading the argumentative passages I learned that
_somehow_ (I knew not how) children could be produced or not
produced as desired; and in this stage of the matter it seemed
to me so admirable that it should be so that I wondered why there
should be cavil.

"About this age my elder brother believed it to be his duty to
tell me the secrets of sex; I remember his talking to me, while
I, bored and uninterested, thought of something else. When he
finished I had heard nothing. Remember, I felt no shame on the
matter--none at all. I was simply bored. This I attribute to two
things: first, my preponderating interest in the romantic side of
things; secondly (and this bears with it a strong moral), _the
feeling that the knowledge lay always within my grasp kept me
from that curiosity which so oft consumes those who think it is
hidden away from them_.

"The changes of puberty came naturally and without startling me.
Even the fact of emissions--which took place during sleep at
intervals, unaccompanied by dreams or by any physical prostration
afterward--has left on my memory no recollection of surprise; I
knew it to be somehow connected with generation, but I had no
physical trouble, and I am quite sure I did not bother further
about it. The best possible proof of this lies in the fact that
my memory is a blank on the matter. At the age of 21 (I take this
from a diary, so I know it is correct) I was still ignorant as to
intrinsic fact. Then I pulled myself together and felt it was
really time I learned the actual details of the matter. I went to
a clever friend of mine and asked him to tell me all about it. He
expressed himself astounded at my not knowing; and he had very
great shyness about telling me. In fact, I had to drag facts out
of him by a real cross-examination, during which he persistently
marveled at my ignorance. Though he had a great deal of false
shame about the matter, I had none at all. His revelations
considerably surprised me, because I had no idea that there was
actual intromission. When I came to reflect on what I had learned
the fact of this close physical intimacy appealed to me as being
quite poetic and beautiful between two lovers; and I have had no
reason since to change my opinion.

"_Summary._--1. Romantic interest in girls and women commencing
early and remaining persistently.

"2. Knowledge before puberty of the fact that this interest was
based on the all-important process of reproduction.

"3. Absence of further physical curiosity even at puberty itself.

"4. Knowledge ultimately acquired without shock.

"The physical in sex has never been any bother to me, neither
have I bothered about it. I have recognized it, frankly, and
don't see why I shouldn't, but my unashamed recognition has
probably been because the merely physical is less absorbing to me
than to most. Mental and emotional interest in passion has
absorbed me greatly, but the merely physical has sunk into what
I call its natural place of subordination. Nature is kind. It is
our 'conspiracy of silence' which tends to emphasize physical
detail."


HISTORY VII.--G.D., who is a doctor and a man of science, writes:
"There is a strong history of gout on the paternal side. No
history of alcohol, tubercle, brain trouble, or of the
arthropathies. There is some reason to believe that two of my
maternal aunts were sexually frigid, and perhaps this was true to
a less extent of my mother, who had a contracted pelvis,
necessitating the induction of labor at the eighth month of
pregnancy.

"About the age of 7 a German nursery governess, B., took charge
of me, and I soon became devoted to her. I was then a delicate
child, and used to suffer frequently from nightmare, waking up
screaming and covered with sweat. When this happened, B. would
sometimes take me into her bed and soothe me with kisses, etc.
These I returned, and can remember that I was particularly fond
of kissing her breasts.

"About this time a girl cousin, A., about a year older than
myself, was one of my most frequent playmates. I endeavored to
monopolize her company and attention, and on this account often
came to blows with C., a cousin rather younger than myself, who
has since told me that he was then 'in love' with A. and
'jealous' of me. I believe I was really jealous and in love at
the time, but cannot remember that anything in the nature of
caresses took place between A. and myself.

"Some time later, probably when I was about 9, something led up
to B. saying that she was not built like I was, that she had no
penis, etc. (I cannot remember my nursery term for penis.) I was
incredulous, and demanded to be allowed to see if it was true;
this was refused, and I made many plans to gratify my curiosity,
such as slipping into her room when she was dressing, tipping up
the chair she was sitting in, and trying to suddenly thrust my
hand up under her skirts. I did not succeed in finding out, but
have since thought that, although she did not allow me to attain
the object of my efforts, the later game caused her pleasurable
sensations. I regard these efforts as being prompted purely by
curiosity; I had no feelings of warmth or irritations of the
genitals, and I certainly never manipulated them, nor was I, as
far as I can judge, an unusually prurient small boy. B. left when
I was about 10, when I went to a preparatory school.

"At 12½ I was sent to a public school, and was then told by my
father the chief facts of sex and warned to avoid masturbation.
My first wet dream took place when I was 14. Rather before this I
had begun to suffer with severe intermittent testicular neuralgia
which practically defied all treatment and continued on and off
for four or five years, the attacks gradually becoming fewer and
less severe.

"When 15, circumstances compelled me to leave school and to live
for two years at the seaside with no companions of my own age. I
had, however, the run of a well-stocked library, and fished and
collected insects energetically.

"At 16 I made love to the trained nurse attending my mother, but,
owing more, I think, to my timidity than to the austerity of her
virtue, got no further than kissing. About this time wet dreams
became inconveniently frequent; they would occur three or four
times weekly, and resisted the stock remedies. At 17 I was
advised to try connection. This I did, and found but little
pleasure in the act, there being a strong esthetic objection to
the 'love that keeps awake for lure.'

"About this time I found in the United States Pharmacopoeia a
remedy for my emissions, which have, however, always remained
rather more frequent than those of the average individual,
judging from the experience of my friends. Emissions are
generally accompanied by lascivious dreams, but at times take
place when I dream that I am hurrying to catch a train, or to
micturate against time.

"I have of late years (not noticed till after 20) observed that
the dream accompanying emission is shorter; so that, whereas up
to, say, 21 I generally performed the whole physiological act
with my dream-charmer, I now almost invariably emit and awake
before intromission has taken place. There has been no
alternation comparable to this in the performance of the act
while I am awake.

"As regards my physique I should mention that all my reflexes are
very brisk, though I am only slightly ticklish in the ordinary
sense of the term. I sweat easily and am very shy, not only with
women, but with any strangers. I have, however, trained myself
not to show this. About averagely passionate, I should say, and
extremely critical where women are concerned, the latter quality
often keeping me chaste for months at a time."


HISTORY VIII.--"When I was about 8 years old" (states the lady
who is the subject of the present observation) "I remember that,
with several other children, we used to play in an old garden at
being father and mother, unfastening our drawers and bringing the
sexual parts together, as we imagined married people to do, but
no sexual feelings were aroused, nor did the boys have
erections." When about 10 years old she became conscious of a
pleasurable sensation associated with the smell of leather, which
has ever since persisted. At that age she was sometimes left to
wait in the office of a wholesale business house full of
leather-bound ledgers. She did not then notice the sensation
particularly, and was certainly not conscious of any connection
with sexual emotion. Menstruation was established at 13½ years.
Distinct sexual feelings were first observed a few months later.
"The first feelings of love which I ever felt were at the age of
14 for a nice, manly boy of my own age, who often came to our
house. He liked me, but was not in love with me. It was very
seldom that he would sit by me and hold my hand, as I wished him.
This went on till I was about 17, when he went to the university.
After his first term he came back and was then attracted to me;
but, though I loved him very much, I was too proud to show it.
When he tried to kiss me, I resisted, though I longed for it.
Thinking I was greatly offended, he apologized, which only made
me angry. All these years I was worshiping at his shrine and
mixed him up with all my ideas of life." Whenever she was near
him she experienced physical sensations, with moistening of the
vulva. This continued till she was about 20, but the object of
these emotions never again attempted any advances.

At 19 she became engaged to someone else. At the beginning she
was physically indifferent to her lover, but when he first kissed
her she became greatly excited. The engagement, however, was soon
broken off from absence of strong affection on either side and
chiefly, it would seem, from the cooling of the lover's ardor.
She thinks he would have been more strongly attached to her if
she had been colder to him, or pretended to be, instead of
responding with simplicity and frankness.

During the next few years little occurred. She was working hard,
and her amusements would mostly, she says, be regarded as rather
childish. She was extremely fond of dancing, and she was always
pleased when anyone paid her attention. She was frequently
conscious of sexual feelings, sometimes tormented by them, and
she regarded this as something to be ashamed of. The constant
longing for love was affected little or not at all by hard work.
"At about this time I was very fond of abandoning myself to
day-dreams. I was very glad if I could get everyone out of the
house and lie on an easy chair or the bed. I liked especially to
read poetry, all the more if I did not quite understand it. This
would lead me on to all sorts of dreams of love, which, however,
never went beyond the preliminaries of actual love--as that was
all I then knew of love." The only climax to her dream of love
was founded on a piece of information volunteered by a married
woman many years earlier, when she was about 12. This
lady--evidently agreeing with Rousseau (who in _Emile_ commended
the mother's reply to the child's query whence babies come, "Les
femmes les pissent, mon enfant, avec des grands douleurs") that
the unknown should first be explained to the young in terms of
the known--told her that the husband micturated into the wife.
She therefore used to imagine a lover who would bear her away
into a forest and do this on her as she lay at the foot of a
tree. (At a later date she accidentally discovered that a full
bladder tended to enhance sexual feelings, and occasionally
resorted to this physical measure of heightening excitement.) All
the physical sensations of sexual desire were called out by these
day-dreams, with abundant secretion, but never the orgasm. Her
reveries never led to masturbation or to allied manifestations,
which have never taken place. Such a method of relief has,
indeed, never offered any temptation to her and she doubts even
its possibility in her case. (At a later period of life, however,
at the age of 31, masturbation began and was practised at
intervals.) At the same time she remarks that, while no orgasm
(of which, indeed, she was then ignorant) ever occurred, the
sexual excitement produced by the day-dreams was sufficiently
great to cause a feeling of relief afterward. These day-dreams
were the only way in which the sexual erethism was discharged.
She cannot recall having erotic dreams or any sexual
manifestations during sleep.

Spontaneous sexual excitement was present a few days before
menstruation, and fairly marked during and immediately after the
period. It also tended to recur in the middle of the
intermenstrual period.

The pleasurable sensation connected with the smell of leather
became more marked as she approached adult age. It was especially
pronounced about the age of 24, and the sexual emotion it
produced (with moisture of the vulva) was then clearly conscious.
No other odor produced this effect in such a marked degree. It
was often associated with leather bags, but not with boots,
though on rubbing the leather of shoes she found that this odor
was given out. She cannot account for its origin, and does not
connect any association with it. It never affected her conduct or
led to fetichistic habits.

Some other odors affect her in the same way, though not to the
same degree as leather. This is more especially the case with
some flowers, especially white flowers with heavy odors, like
gardenias. Many flowers, on the other hand, like primroses, seem
rather opposed to sex effect, too fresh, though stimulating to
the mind. Some artificial scents tend to produce sexual effects
also. Personal odors have no influence of this kind. (At a later
period the sexual influence of personal odors was occasionally
experienced, but the present history deals only with the period
before marriage.)

She believes that most beautiful things, however unconnected with
sex, have a tendency to produce distinctively sexual feelings in
a faint degree, although sometimes more marked, with secretion.
She has, however, never experienced homosexual feeling, and, on
first consideration, was inclined to believe that the sight of a
beautiful woman had no sexual effect on her, though she could
quite understand such an effect. Subsequently, on recalling as
well as observing her experiences more carefully, she found that
a lovely woman's face and figure (especially on one occasion the
very graceful figure of a beautiful fairy in a ballet) produced
distinct sexual sensations (with mucous emission). Music,
however, has strongly emotional effects upon her, and she cannot
recall that she ever felt any equally powerful influence of this
kind in the absence of music.

Looking back on the development of her feelings she finds that,
though in some respects they may have been slow, they were
simple, natural, spontaneous, and correspond to "the dawning and
progress which go on in the development of every girl. While it
is going on in actual fact, the girl does not know or bother
herself about trying to understand it. Afterward it seems quite
clear and simple. Full occupation of the brain, and hands too,
while it does not do away with desire, is a great help and
safeguard to a growing girl, when combined with proper
information about herself and her relation to man the animal, so
that she may realize where she is and how to choose the right
man--though under the best conditions failure may occur."

HISTORY IX.--The subject belongs to a large family having some
neurotic members; she spent her early life on a large farm. She
is vigorous and energetic, has intellectual tastes, and is
accustomed to think for herself, from unconventional standpoints,
on many subjects. Her parents were very religious, and not, she
thinks, of sensual temperament. Her own early life was free from
associations of a sexual character, and she can recall little
that now seems to be significant in this respect. She remembers
that in childhood and for some time later she believed that
children were born through the navel. Her activities went chiefly
into humanitarian and utopian directions, and she cherished ideas
of a large, healthy, free life, untrammeled by civilization. She
regards herself as very passionate, but her sexual emotions
appear to have developed very slowly and have been somewhat
intellectualized. After reaching adult life she has formed
several successive relationships with men to whom she has been
attracted by affinity in temperament, in intellectual views, and
in tastes. These relationships have usually been followed by some
degree of disillusion, and so have been dissolved. She does not
believe in legal marriage, though under fitting circumstances she
would much like to have a child.

She never masturbated until the age of 27. At that time a married
friend told her that such a thing could be done. She found it
gave her decided pleasure, indeed, more than coitus had ever
given her except with one man. She has never practised it to
excess, only at rare intervals, and is of the opinion that it is
decidedly beneficial when thus moderately indulged in. She has
sometimes found, for instance, that, after the mental excitement
produced by delivering a lecture, sleep would be impossible if
masturbation were not resorted to as a sedative to relieve the
tension.

Spontaneous sexual excitement is strongest just before the
monthly period.

Definite sexual dreams and sexual excitement during sleep have
not occurred except possibly on one or two occasions.

She has from girlhood experienced erotic day-dreams, imagining
love-stories of which she herself was the heroine; the climax of
these stories has developed with her own developing knowledge of
sexual matters.

She is not inverted, and has never been in love with a woman. She
finds, however, that a beautiful woman is distinctly a sexual
excitation, calling out definite physical manifestations of
sexual emotion. She explains this by saying that she thinks she
instinctively puts herself in the place of a man and feels as it
seems to her a man would feel.

She finds that music excites the sexual emotions, as well as many
scents, whether of flowers, the personal odor of the beloved
person, or artificial perfumes.

HISTORY X.--The subject is of German extraction on both sides.
The father is of marked intellectual tastes, as also is she
herself. There is no unhealthy strain in the family so far as she
is aware, though they all have very strong passions. She is well
developed, healthy, vigorous, and athletic, any trouble to which
she is subject being mainly due to overwork.

Looking back on her childhood, she can now see various sexual
manifestations occurring at a period when she was quite ignorant
of sex matters. "The very first," she writes, "was at the age of
6. I remember once sitting astride a banister while my parents
were waiting for me outside. I distinctly remember a pleasurable
sensation--probably in part due to a physical feeling--in the
thought of staying there when I knew I ought to have run out to
them. From that year till the age of 10 I simply reveled in the
idea of being tortured. I went gladly to bed every night to
imagine myself a slave, chained, beaten, made to carry loads and
do ignominious work. One of my imaginings, I remember, was that I
was chained to a moldering skeleton." As she grew older these
fancies were discontinued. At the same time there was a trace of
sadistic tendency: "I used to frighten and tease a young child,
driven to it by an irresistible impulse, and experiencing a
certain pleasurable feeling in so doing. But this, I am glad to
say, was rare, as I hate all cruelty."

One of her favorite imaginings as a child was that she was a boy,
and especially that she was a knight rescuing damsels in
distress. She was not fond of girls' occupations, and has always
had a sort of chivalrous feeling toward women.

"When I first heard of the sexual act," she writes, "it appeared
to me so absurd that I took little notice. About the age of 10 I
discussed it a good deal with other girls, and we used to play
childishly indecent games--out of pure mischief and not from any
definite physical feeling."

About a year after menstruation was established she accidentally
discovered the act of masturbation by leaning over a table. "I
discovered it naturally; no one taught me; and the very
naturalness of the impulse that led me to it often made me in
later years question the harmfulness." Both her sisters
masturbated from a very early age, but not, to her knowledge, her
brother. The practice of masturbation was continued. "For many
years, imbued with the old ideas of morality, I struggled against
it in vain. The sight of animals copulating, the perusal of
various books (Shakespeare, Rabelais, Gautier's _Mademoiselle de
Maupin_, etc.), the sight of the nude in some Bacchanalian
pictures (such as Rubens's), all aroused passion. Coexistent with
this--perhaps (though I doubt it) due to it--arose a disgust for
normal intercourse. I fell in love and enjoyed kisses, etc., but
the mere thought of anything beyond disgusted me. Had my lover
suggested such a thing I would have lost all love for him. But
all this time I went on masturbating, though as seldom as
possible and without thought of my lover. Love was to me a thing
ideal and quite apart from lust, and I still think that it is
false to try to connect the two. I fear that even now, if I fell
in love, sexual intercourse would break the charm. At the age of
18 I came across Tolstoy's _Kreutzer Sonata_ and was overjoyed to
find all I had thought written down there. Gradually, through
seeing a friend happily married, I have grown to a more normal
view of things. I am very critical of men and have never met one
liberal-minded and just enough to please me. Perhaps if I did I
might take a perfectly healthy view of things."

In course of time various devices had been adopted to heighten
sexual excitement when indulging in masturbation. Thus, for
instance, she found that the effects of sexual excitement are
increased by keeping the bladder full. But the chief method which
she had devised for heightening and prolonging the preliminary
excitement consisted in wearing tight stays (as a rule, she wears
loose stays) and in painting her face. She cannot herself explain
this. Self-excitement is completed by friction, or sometimes by
the introduction of a piece of wood into the vagina. She finds
that, the more frequently she masturbates, the more easily she is
excited. Spontaneous sexual feeling is strongest before and after
the menstrual period; not so much so during the periods.

There are various faint traces of homosexuality, it may be
gathered, in the history of this subject's sexual development.
Recently these have come to a climax in the formation of a
homosexual relationship with a girl friend. This relationship has
given her great pleasure and satisfaction. She does not, however,